Growing with God: A daily devotional with Tonia Slimm.
Proverbs 28:23 (NIV)
Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.
Proverbs 28:23 (MSG)
In the end, serious reprimand is appreciated far more than bootlicking flattery.
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“He who [appropriately] reprimands a [wise] man will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with the tongue.” -AMPLIFIED
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” ~Winston Churchill
Constructive criticism’s goal is to help someone become the better version of them; to help them improve. Constructive criticism is done in love, because you care and want the best for the other person. It is an honest word given.
Flattery, on the other hand, is excessive and insincere praise. It is also defined as deception. It is praise given because the giver is expecting something in return. It is selfish and self-seeking. Beware of the flatterer!
“He that flatters you more than you desire either has deceived you or wishes to deceive.” ~Italian Proverb
“A person who offers constructive criticism will, in the end, be appreciated more than a person who engages in empty flattery.” -(VOICE)
Solomon has addressed this topic of constructive criticism and flattery before. He has advised us that an honest, frank word spoken to a person in love will accomplish a whole lot more than harsh judgement; and certainly more than insincere praise.
“In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery.” -(TLB)
“Taking constructive criticism from others is required to get to the next level.” ~Wendy Starland
Solomon has given us a few pointers on constructive criticism in the past. Let us take a quick review.
1.) “If you profit from constructive criticism, you will be elected to the wise men’s hall of fame. But to reject criticism is to harm yourself and your own best interests.” -Proverbs 15:31-32 (TLB)
2.) “A fool thinks he needs no advice, but a wise man listens to others.” -Proverbs 12:15 (TLB)
3.) “Get all the advice you can and be wise the rest of your life.” -Proverbs 19:20 (TLB)
Solomon also gave a bit of advice about the flatterer. He said:
1.) “Flattery is a form of hatred and wounds cruelly.” -Proverbs 26:28 (TLB)
2.) “Flattery is a trap; evil men are caught in it, but good men stay away and sing for joy.” -Proverbs 29:5-6 (TLB)
3.) “Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda].” -Proverbs 27:6 (AMP)
Even David warned us against the flatterer; whom he warned, tended to flatter even themselves. David wrote:
“Transgression speaks [like an oracle] to the wicked (godless) [deep] within his heart; there is no fear (dread) of God before his eyes. For he flatters and deceives himself in his own eyes thinking that his sinfulness will not be discovered and hated [by God]. The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. He plans wrongdoing on his bed; he sets himself on a path that is not good; he does not reject or despise evil.” -Psalm 36:1-4 (AMP)
“Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver.” ~Edmund Burke
As we can see, constructive criticism cares about the other person, flattery does not. Constructive criticism is given in love. Flattery is given in order to get something for self. Which would you truly prefer?
Let’s take a quick look at the benefits of accepting constructive criticism from those we trust.
1.) It helps us grow; giving us insight and perspective.
2.) It helps us grow and makes us stronger.
3.) It strengthens our relationship with the giver and causes our bond with them to be stronger.
4.) It cultivates and builds trust. If and when there is another instance where this person gives us a bit of criticism we will know that they are trying to help us, not hinder us.
Remember this bit of advice Solomon has given us in the past:
“Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], but in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” -Proverbs 11:14 (AMP)
“Take hold of instruction; [actively seek it, grip it firmly and] do not let go.
Guard her, for she is your life.” ~Solomon (Proverbs 4:13 (AMP)
My friend, be open to receive constructive criticism from trusted people around you; by doing so, you will grow, become stronger, and build trust, as well as stronger relationships. On the other hand, steer clear of and beware of the flatterer. This person is just out to get something from you. They do not care about you or desire to help you to become a better person.
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticisms.” ~Norman Vincent Peale
My Prayer:
Lord, I ask that you will give me the wisdom to accept the constructive criticism that is given to me by those who love me and care. Help me to also recognize the flatterer and walk away. In the same token, let me use my words to build others up; not tear them down or try to get something from them. Help me to follow your Words, Lord and to grow into the person that you have always intended for me to be.
Growing with God 